Blog Art from:
( http://www.applyyourheart.com/2012_08_01_archive.html )

Yesterday I woke up, and went to switch cell phones on the charger (yea, we only have one  I swear to GOD these things break like glass in a dryer).
DH and I had gotten into a fight the day before, and IDK why, but my first thought when I grabbed his cell phone was, "What did he tell his mom???"

I looked at his messages, and saw a message of him telling someone he missed them so much. My heart dropped - was it happening again? Was round #3 in swing?

I was shaking, walked into the bedroom, and asked, "Who did you send this too?" I was calm, on the brink of falling to the floor. He took the phone, and told me it was me, he sent it to me. But, how was that possible? Clearly he had blocked this person just after this conversation, and I wasn't blocked!

It took a good 30 minutes, and finally I was able to realize, it was me. It was the profile I used for my Tupperware business. FaceBook had deactivated it when they saw I was using it for a business. 

I felt horrible. We had just got back into the swing of things. 

Why do I always find a way to break things with the past, when the present is so good?

I told him he didn't have to stay - I understood if he had to go. I really do wonder how much better of a life he would have if he didn't have to deal with me. Truth be told, I wonder what any relationship would be if trust wasn't broke. 

I think back, and realize - every single one of my romantic relationships, the other party involved did something that broke my trust; Abuse, cheating, drugs, flat out lying, cyber infidelity. 

I have never had a real, healthy relationship. But, I'm not interested in finding one. I am married, and I am interested in fixing this. But, anymore I don't know how to fix it. I wish I did, but I just dont. 

any tips on letting yourself trust again?