Illegitimate Child

Start a blog and disappear? Did I forget to mention I have ADD? BA HA HA HA
Anyways, I had reasons... main one being, surgery! Had a carpal tunnel release on my right hand, and guess who is right handed?? Me :)

It funny you know - how easily we find out how much we matter, or if we don't at all?

A couple months ago I remember getting a call from my Mom (almost frantic), she was headed to the ER to meet my brother - he had stomach pains. Um, ok.... keep me posted.

Any time my siblings bang a toe my Mom is running off.
So, here is me, a week before surgery - "Do you think you or Dad can take me for my surgery? I might need to be there as early as 6am, but i'm not sure. And I really don't want to take the bus if i'm going to be sedated."  -  "I'll ask your father."

Text message the next day - "Dad said yes, lucky for you he is even more crabby early in the morning." Oh yay!!!

Night before surgery - "Hey Dad, surgery is at 9am, they said I should only be there for an hour and a half tops. I don't know if you want to wait for me, or..." (before I can finish) ".... I'm not bringing you home. I said I would drop you off, thats it." ..... *dumbfounded* "... I cant take the bus home if I'm on medication, I don't know how I would even walk to the bus, its half a mile away from the hospital."  .....  "I'll drop you off, but I'm not taking you home, I have things to do."

WOW, wtf?!?!

Call my mom - "Did you tell Dad I only needed a ride to the hospital?" ... "Yea, you said you didn't know if you could get a ride that early." .... "Mom, I'm having surgery, how am I supposed to get home if I'm out of it?"  .....  "Well I didn't know you needed a ride home too!!!"

Fuck it. Seriously.

You can run run run to any of your other kids, but here I am, asking a week in advance, and, you just can't. I seriously feel like I'm the illegitimate child - the one who they can't be bothered with.

I mean, do they get it? Or no?

I can't imagine treating one child better than the other!! I already have guilt over providing my youngest a better life by placing him in adoption - I can't imagine feeling content with keeping your child at arms length.

Remember all those things I'm supposed to tell you, and not supposed to tell you?

Well, tonight;

What I'm supposed to tell you is my parents have a very busy life, that leaves little time for much else.

What I'm not supposed to tell you is, they are only busy when it comes to me.

Peace.
Out.

Image from: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Lonely-40159536